Intentionality

Joseph’s story always feels a little rough to me.  This is part of why I have not had much to say, regarding the daily office, for several days.  There is so much abuse, persecution, and needless tragedy.  I struggle to wrap my mind around it, and as Joseph’s story begins to draw to a close, these words are haunting: 

Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (NIV).

Is it possible that this intense distress, over the course of a lifetime, was intentional?  Is it possible that God intended, all along, for Joseph, specifically, to be the ‘lucky one’ who must endure this narrative in order to bring redemption to the world, including Joseph’s very own abusers?  Often, when this passage is preached or taught, this is exactly what we say.  I’m not saying that, today.

Many versions of Scripture use the word “intended” in the translation, but the original Hebrew word here is actually חֲשָׁבָ֣הּ (chashavah), which means to think or to account… 

I love this, because it seems to get at the heart of what was going on.  Joseph’s brothers thought they could inflict this pain and suffering on Joseph and rid themselves of him, for their own sake.  But God looked at the situation and thought something good could still come of it.  God had an opinion, and then God worked with Joseph to account for the awful mess of his life.

Many things happened to Joseph, at the hands of others, over which he had no control.  But Joseph had a choice when it came to how he would respond to God’s nudge, and it appears that he responded in love, making the best choice possible in the given moment, far more often than not (maybe not always, but a lot).  God can use that!  And God did.

From Common Prayer, today, we have this quote:

“Help us, Lord, to see as you see : and to change what is into what ought to be.”

Let’s not turn a blind eye to the evil and suffering in the world.  It’s real.  But let’s also get out there and make every effort to do something about it.  Intentionality begins with a thought and an opinion about what is happening, but it ends with an account about what happens next!

L.

Forgiveness

Luke 17:1-4 “Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come.  It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.  So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.  Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them” (NIV).

At the expense of sounding arrogant, forgiveness has never been all that hard for me (at least in most circumstances).  I think it might be because I always believe people can change and be better.  Honestly, that's sort of weird, since I am decidedly not an optimist.

Now, forgetting?  That’s another thing altogether, but we should probably take great care in remembering that the notion of ‘forgive and forget’ is not actually found in Scripture.  Huge sigh of relief for detail oriented people who remember everything…

I think we need to make a distinction between forgiveness and healing (related to pain, suffering, mourning, grief, etc.).  Too often, I feel that we approach wounded people by insisting that they forgive those who have harmed them.  That is biblical after all, right?  But we also project these unreal expectations on forgiveness.  In so doing, we perpetuate cycles of abuse.

Let me tell you what forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not forgetting the offense and moving on without taking the necessary time to heal.

Forgiveness is not indiscriminately returning to how the relationship was before the offense.

Forgiveness is not allowing yourself to continue to be abused in any way or justifying abusive actions by another.

Forgiveness is not blaming yourself, as opposed to the offender, for what happened.

All of this is incredibly difficult to flesh out, because as followers of Jesus, we also frequently cite passages of Scripture about losing our lives and participating in the death of Christ, which often includes being persecuted in some way, but please hear me clearly… none of this means that you have to participate in unhealthy relationships that violate who you are as a human being, created Imago Dei. 

I think we have done a miserable job of helping victims to work through their pain, as we blanketly state that forgiveness will restore all things.  Maybe we can roll with this from an eschatological viewpoint, but let’s be real, friends… most hurting people are more concerned with how they might survive the next few minutes than the end of the world as we know it!  We have to stop making these things congruent, because they’re just not…

Webster’s definition of forgiveness is “the act of forgiving” (ahem… super helpful).

Webster’s definition of forgiving is “willing or able to forgive” (there’s something to work with there).

Webster’s definition of forgive is “to give up resentment of or claim to requital.”

Nowhere… in any of this… do I see forgiveness defined as offering yourself to someone who will hurt you over and over again, without boundaries or consequence.  Nowhere.  We have to stop telling people that forgiveness means sucking it up, putting yourself in danger, and moving on!

If I were to define forgiveness, I would say it is the moment at which you reach a point where you no longer hope the one who has harmed you will be run over by a truck or struck down by lightning.  Admittedly, even this can be a process, depending on the offense.  And that’s OK.  Interestingly, the biblical definition from Luke (above) also allows for rebuke and requires the offender to be repentant.  Do we even talk about that?  We don’t?  Right…

I think Jesus gives us an example of forgiveness that neither demands nor receives such repentance when, as he is dying, he says, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NIV).  So, I’m not necessarily saying we must hold out for an apology, and, in fact, I have certainly offered forgiveness to others, myself, who have hurt me deeply and never bothered to care.  But… we have to stop shaming victims into this kind of obligation, because even if it is freeing to stop praying for that thunderstorm to hit; there is so much more work to be done than this.  Forgiving someone who does not deserve it is not a magical band-aid that removes all pain… And it certainly doesn’t remove scars.

What I’m trying to say is that we should stop lying… and we should also stop discrediting and humiliating victims.  Forgiveness is important, but it comes with guidelines and often with really long timeframes.  Perhaps we could stand in the gap while our brothers and sisters are allowed the space they need for legitimate healing to occur.

 
L.

Hope Does Rise

The lectionary readings for today offer too much to grapple with in one sitting… or maybe two… or three… or four…  What a relief, after the disaster that was yesterday!

There are, however, some common themes.

Sarah… who laughs somewhat inappropriately… then turns a corner and laughs in the way we all love… in the way we all hope to find joy and join in, for her pain subsides with the culmination (or maybe just the beginning) of covenant:

Genesis 21:6, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me” (NIV).

The twelve... sent out into a world where not enough people are sent, into places where they are promised that they will be unwelcome and persecuted… then turn a corner… because there are enough places that offer peace, and there are not so many that don’t that the disciples can move quickly enough to cover them all…  there will be communities that want to join in the healing… go there:

Matthew 10:9, “Freely you have received; freely give” (NIV).

The Romans… and subsequently, we… encouraged to endure suffering, for it does not last forever:

Romans 5:3-5 “…because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (NIV).

Almost nobody loves pain when they are in the midst of it (although I have met a few).  Let’s be real, friends.  Almost nobody loves the pain, itself, even when it has passed.  This isn’t really about growing comfortable with devastation, anguish, or oppression, and… in fact… it might be just the opposite.  It seems to me that these words all point to solutions to such harm.  We are the solution, as we laugh… as we give… as we hope.

Because everybody has days that suck… us… dry.  Or we could even leave that as, everybody has days that suck.  But they don’t last forever, even if we think they will. 

If you’re currently deeply rooted in one of those miserable places, I hope you can allow yourself just a moment to breath in… and breathe out… and dare to believe it won’t always be this way.  But I know that’s easier written than done.  So this post isn’t really for you.

However, if you’re in one of those sweet spots (and, unfortunately, they pass too, but take it all in while you can)… one of those places where you have turned a corner, crossed a bridge (maybe burned it), and feel the warmth of the sun on your face and the gentle push of the wind at your back… perhaps you could turn around just long enough to reach out your hand to someone who isn’t there, today.

Share your story—not just the good parts that compound the issue of comparing “our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel” (Steve Furtick)—but the whole raw, heartbreaking thing. Because from suffering, hope does rise…

L.