Friday, September 8, 2017

Maybe I’m Pharaoh



As we read the story of the Israelites in slavery in Egypt… as we read about the plagues and the hardening of Pharaoh’s heart… I’m not sure we ever put ourselves in Pharaoh’s place (at least, I didn’t, until this morning).

This revelation that I might be more like Pharaoh than I’d like to admit came on the heels of the narrative of the death of Ezekiel’s wife (see Ezekiel 24:15-27).  The story actually made me kind of angry (Do we admit that about Scripture?  I don’t really know…).    As I was reading, I had these moments where I thought, “Don’t you even care?” and, “For crying out loud, don’t let go!  Hang onto this!”  The words are rough: With one blow I am about to take away from you the delight of your eyes. Yet do not lament or weep or shed any tears” (v.16)… after that, I just read blah… blah… blah… blah… blah…  And I am about 152% sure that’s not how I should hear the word of the Lord. 

In that frame of mind, somehow when I came to Exodus 10:21, as the Lord hardens Pharaoh’s heart and, “he was not willing to let them go,” I felt this weird (probably completely inappropriate) compassion for Pharaoh, which I never could have imagined.  I’m pretty sure it’s because I have trouble letting go of people (and situations… and things…), even when it’s hurting me… or them… 

This next part might come across incoherent, but please try to bear with me, because the whole thing was coming together pretty early in the morning…

A song came to mind… Caedmon’s Call (no surprise, since they have been my favorite since the mid-90s)… “Prove Me Wrong” (more of a surprise, since it comes from what is probably my least favorite Caedmon’s album, if there is such a thing, and clearly I am not a real fan of being proven wrong…).  Undoubtedly, this song surfaced specifically because of the line about Pharaoh, but it left me thinking more…


Is this holding on a doubt thing?  I don’t know.  Maybe.  I do know that Mark 9:24 keeps sounding loudly, somewhere at the subconscious level, lately: "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (NIV).

I was recently described as tenacious (which I took as a compliment), but I am trying desperately to determine the appropriate balance between holding on and letting go.  Which one requires more belief?  I don’t love the answer…
 
L.

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